lalalallalala

aish.
i aished for no reason.
played handball with my brother in the living room today. it was odd.
though it seemed he was having the time of his life even though i was thrashing him.
i think he really just wanted someone to play with even if he lossed.
that was quite an interesting thought.
he sleep talks now and then. once, in the dead of night, i remember catching him sleep singing. most of his unconscious conversations include "its mine!" or "unfair!"
and at first i find this rather amusing that even in his sleep he likes to have arguments but then it strike me that maybe i should be more considerate. like play when he is left bouncing a tennis ball against the wall alone or teaching him complex clapping games that he would never catch onto. at least then he wouldn't complain it's unfair. or maybe i should let him explore his own mind and find his imaginative side through isolation. isolation sounds like an evil word. more like personal space or time to reflect and roam the ends of his creative being. haha. or maybe that's just an excuse for myself to indulge in the comfort of my room and the endless entertainment and relaxation it brings me. it is my fort and if entered... well there had better be a good reason why my peace has been disturbed.
probably meditating again.
i need to find a way to incorporate the soothing of the mind into daily life. i was thinking maybe on the train i could just do a bit of posture adjusting and stare out of the window and hope i will just blank out without looking like a pyscho. closing my eyes would make me too self conscious and therefore wouldn't work.
anyways, one last test tomorrow and then i'm free to enjoy the world! Yay! i have to go shopping or i may not survive. i need to overload myself with movies and new tv dramas and i want to make pavlova.
omg i should be sleeping
ok goodnight,
Glo